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Sunday, September 24, 2006

Osama bin Laden and 72 (She-Male) Virgins

That’s right, based on recent exegesis of ancient Arabic manuscripts, some scholars are claiming that the Koran promises not just any old virgins, but 72 She-Male virgins, the big gnarly kind with man hands, five o’clock shadows and hairy bellies.

It is widely known that Satan wants to lie, kill and deceive. So it makes real sense that he would take great delight in the astonishment of the “faithful” upon discovering that they’ve been duped. While this is certainly ground breaking stuff and may ultimately change the face of the war on terror, what exactly does it mean for Osama bin Laden?

Well, as much as I love the thought of those he-vixens having their way with Osama for eternity, I’m just not convinced he is dead. Are you? After all, our evidence is coming from the French citing Saudis – now there’s a real axis of trustworthiness. But who cares?

Dead or not dead yet, in the grand scheme of things, it just doesn’t matter.
Sooner or later he will get his. Whether those virginal man-ho’s have already worn him out or they are simply biding their time until they get their big hairy paws on him, his fate is the same. Time has a way of catching up to us all. Take Saddam, he seemed uncatchable…until we caught him and trial schmial, he is done. Zarqawi the big bad beheader is dead. Has Islamo-terrrism ceased? Don’t get me wrong, we still need to hunt down bad guys but bin Laden is not THE problem.

The problem is Islam and grumpy Muslims who want to kill us. Compounding the problem are the fools in the rest of the world who have no moral clarity or, if they do, are not willing to voice it. When Clinton recently said he tried to get bin Laden (he didn’t try very hard but let’s get past that) he illustrated for the bazillionth time that he’s just didn’t want the program. Clinton simply did not want to man up to the war on terror. Killing bin Laden may have postponed the problem, may have bought a little time, but little else. In the context of this war of civilizations killing bin Laden is a band-aid on a sucking chest wound.

All the knuckleheads say they don’t hate America, they just hate President Bush. Wait a minute folks; President Bush is America, my America, an expression of American will. If they were to get rid of him, would they beat America? I think not. Will killing the Pope stop Catholicism? Nope. Neither will killing bin Laden stop the grumpy Muslims just frothing at the bit for their own little perverted den of paradise.

Speaking softly works great until you start swinging the big stick. Once you start cracking heads, speaking softly only serves to confuse your friends and embolden your enemies. Our war is not with Osama alone, but with hundreds of millions of Muslims who wish us harm or support those who do.